Reverb 10 Prompt (from Sam Davidson): What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?
Okay party people, I won’t try to fake you out with this one. I needed a break from staring at shiny rectangles, and a song descended from the Great Unknown, demanding to be birthed into some form of existence. There are only so many hours in the day, so I’m gonna have to half-ass my response to the prompt. To make up for it, I will perform the song for you (via the trusty iMac I got for my 40th birthday!). As an added bonus, at the end of the song I tagged on a cover of Bad Bone by The Frames, just for the heck of it (which is why it’s such a long video clip). Anyhoo, 11 things I can do without…
1) Triscuits: Especially the Cracked Pepper and Olive Oil kind. I just ate a box for dinner.
2) Self-imposed isolation: Gotta mingle with other humans more often.
3) Playing on the computer after 9pm: Last night I tweeted in my sleep.
4) Watching television: I don’t watch much now, but admittedly I watch crap online all the time, which is pretty much the same thing.
5) The belief that I don’t need any insurance whatsoever: While I very rarely get sick (like, once every few years), I am an old man now, so I probably need one of those rubber-glove-up-the-wazoo exams at some point.
6) The belief that I’m an old man: Seriously, I need to drop that one immediately. I know damn well that I look and feel great for my age, and when I think about it for even a minute I realize with certainty that I’m better in every way now than at any other point in my life. Except maybe when it comes to sports.
7) My resistance to hard work: I prefer to go with the flow, but sometimes you have to bust ass.
8) My crippling fear of rejection: Dude. You’re f-ing 40 years old already! Get over yourself!
9) My avoidance of friendships with women: I’m afraid of what will happen if sexual attraction rears its head (so to speak), which with me is almost unavoidable. Is it possible for such a friendship to be charged and intense, but not lead to anything that could jeopardize my good standing with my wife? I wouldn’t know, because I maintain my distance to such an extreme than any sort of close friendship with another woman is impossible.
10) My belief that people, for the most part, are ignorant, cowardly a-holes who refuse self-awareness at every turn in favor of distraction and empty pursuits: I’ve been working on this one a lot lately. Everyone’s doing the best they can with the cards they’ve been dealt and I am no better than anyone. When I choose to see people as basically good-natured, everybody is much happier.
11) My tendency to wait for good things to happen instead of putting myself on the line to make them happen.
I will work on all of these things by keeping up with my core spiritual practices: Creative expression, authentic relationships, mindfulness meditation, somatics (body-centered stuff), self-reflection and critical inquiry. And singing songs:
Don’t lose your head
Don’t
Don’t focus on the pain
You’ll only make it worse
You’ll drive yourself insane
If I don’t get there first
You’re standing on the edge
Without a parachute
I’ll see you on the ground
Enjoy the ride
[Don’t lose your head]
So
How many have I loved
How many never knew
I kept it to myself
Then gave it all to you
And now that you are gone
There’s nothing left to lose
So I’m back here on the edge
Here goes nothing
[Don’t lose your head]
Bad Bone [Glen Hansard]
There’s a bad bone inside me
All my trouble started there
All the cracks are adding up to be
A little more than you can bear
When I met you, you were bitter still
From a scar you’re never gonna show
And I was cursed with a jealousy
It’s killed every love I’ve ever known
And oh, what’s the point in staying still
When there’s so many places we can go
When the anger that you feel
Turns to poison in you soul
And the cracks you only feel
Start to show
You were waiting on the balcony
And I was sleeping in your bed
You said I pleased you only partially
But I knew my hunger would be fed
And oh, what’s the point in holding out
For a love that only will destroy
When the anger that you feel
Turns to poison in your soul
And the cracks you only feel
Start to show
And oh, all my thoughts of getting clear
And of getting out before my time
Have died with you upon the vine
Number 5 is hilarious. And true. I’m nearly there myself.
Sorry but this is the best list I’ve seen. Oh my, we’re going to be friends (number 9 notwithstanding) :)
Really like the song, thanks for sharing.
If this is a half-assed posted, I’m going to have to check out some of the others. This is a great post, full of honesty, things-that-made-me-smile, and nod-my-head-yes moments!
Thank you!
Stephanie
@dancingwaves
Great list, I could have written most of these for myself, except no way am I giving up Cracked Pepper triscuits. Now go and put yourself on that line.
As per usual, beautiful music. And I’m entirely opposed to the sacrifice of triscuits–for the record.
As for #9:
You are missing out. Yes, it is possible to have an interaction that’s charged with sexual tension, but isn’t going to jeopardize your relationship with your significant other. Look, sexual attraction is normal. Anyone you’re friends with, male or female, as attracted you in some way–obviously, otherwise you wouldn’t be friends with them! It can be easy to conflate that friendly attraction with sexual pursuit when it comes to friends of the gender you’re attracted to. The best way to deal with this is by:
1. Being open with your significant other about your friendship. Any deception is, well…deception, and will ruin both your friendship and your relationship.
2.Your significant other needs to be able to be friends with them too–they don’t have to be BESTFRIENDS4LYFEOMG, but they need to get along and be friendly with one another.
3. Boundaries. Obviously, if you were a single dude, maybe the boundaries would be a little more flexible. But this needs to have pretty re-enforced boundaries about where your friendship ends–that means emotionally and physically. Are you comfortable hugging? What kind of hug? What kind of personal conversation are you going to have with the person? Is flirting ok, or is that too much? Would you act differently with this person if you were in front of your partner? Would it make you uncomfortable if you saw your partner interacting with a friend of the opposite sex in the same way? Do you know that there are certain behaviors that would definitely make your partner feel ostracized, isolated, or otherwise hurt?
4. Recognizing that if sexual tension rises, you just have to let it wash over you, and let it pass. It’s when you fight it that it gets ugly. But take a break, give yourself some distance, acknowledge the feelings (and hell, if you need to, you know, fantasize and all that, go forth), and move on. There are more important things at stake.
And as for #10:
The ability to be self-aware is a blessing and privilege. You’re *fortunate*. Be compassionate to those who are a little slower on the uptake. :)
Hey! A bunch of nice comments! Cool…
@Sam Davidson: Where have I seen that name before… Wait a second, you’re the guy, the guy who came up with the… :o) It’s an honor to have you drop by. I look forward to exploring your site.
@Stereo: Yeah, let’s be friends. To hell with #9! And thanks for the kind words. I’ve been enjoying your blog thoroughly. Can’t wait to get caught up on your posts.
@Jim Cook: Thanks Jim! I appreciate the encouragement!
@Stephanie: Welcome! A new connection to explore! I’ll be checking out your site shortly. Thanks for the positive feedback. Okay, so it wasn’t really a half-assed post. Maybe I should eliminate “false modesty” in 2011. :o)
@Mrs Mediocrity: You caught me in yet another lie. No way I’m giving up my Triscuits. I might cut down a little… Regarding putting myself on that line – Do I HAVE to? Can’t I just blog about it? Who will know the difference?
@Tizz: Wow! Thanks for the in-depth feedback! Yes indeed, #9 is a big can of worms. My wife and I just talked about it for a long while. This one is deep, like back to grammar school, maybe further back, and the crazy, worshipful way I thought of girls, how their powers terrified me, how I so craved (and never got) attention from them, and on and on… I will probably dedicate at least an entire post to this issue before the month is out. I have truly been missing out, and especially lately, as in my professional life I have thrown away chances to build community because of this irrational fear of mine. I will reread your comment and think about your suggestions some more. Thanks again. Oh my fucking god! I just realized that I’m drinking a Magic Hat #9 beer! No shit! Too weird…
Whenever I was in a good relationship, I always minimized my friendships with men. Otherwise, it seemed to bring out the worst in whoever I was partnered with. Of course if I’d kept it up like that, now that I’m married I’d never have another decent guy friend again.
It helps that my husband is the coolest and that no one else could take his place. But I think that as long as you know you don’t want to screw up what you have at home, that what you have at home is the best, then nothing else will really compare.
Love the list. Am in awe of anyone who can hear music in their heads and make it come out sounding great. Nice to find you (thanks to @mrsmediocrity).
@Kim: Very true. And I AM crazy about my wife. Have been for 10 years now! I’m still a bit baffled by my fears around this issue, but I’m beginning to see the roots in my childhood conceptions and experiences. In the meantime, I’m making a lot of new friends through Reverb 10. And they all happen to be women, so maybe there is hope after all!
@Alana: Thanks! I’ve got you on my list of people to visit ASAP.
Wonderful song. I always wonder if I could write stuff like that anymore. I just never play, and never take the time. I hope to play more when I’m done with my degree. But seriously, great song. You’ve got a great ear for words and your voice is better than mine ever was. :)
Now, to the points: 2) I’m working on this myself. I don’t self-impose, but I’ve got so much other stuff going on with family, and then most of the people I want to hang out with are a half hour away or so, so… yeah. 3) I need to “play” more on the computer. Musicwise, that is. 5) I have a chronic condition (not *that* kind of chronic…) so I *have* to have insurance. Feel fortunate that you can do without. 6) “I know damn well that I look and feel great for my age, and when I think about it for even a minute I realize with certainty that I’m better in every way now than at any other point in my life.” Agreed, 100% 7) I’ve done without that for a bit now, ever since I started my degree. I do a fair share of procrastinating, but I work pretty damn hard, too. 10) I used to say I hated people, but I know that that wasn’t true. I’m a much happier person now, and that shows in how I look at other people as well. I definitely have more compassion for people and what they’re going through. 11) I’ve been here, too. I think the hard work that I mentioned has gone a long way toward getting rid of that. It’s new to me, but I’ve put myself out there more in the past year than I have in my whole life, I think. And it’s great. :)
@Sam: Thanks a million man! I’m sorry I lost track of you over the past several days. This Reverb 10 stuff is starting to get overwhelming. The connections with people keep growing exponentially, while the time I have to devote to all this stays the same! I look forward to checking back in at your site and seeing what you’ve been up to. Thanks for listening to the song. I really appreciate all your feedback.