Archive for December, 2007

Wonderful…

Sometimes I feel an impulse to write, to make a post, to communicate something of depth and importance, yet nothing comes forth no matter how long I search, how long I wait for the spark to ignite. Sometimes it’s best to remain silent. Sometimes I’m not at my best. And that’s fine.

Holidays can be exhausting. Too much to eat. Too much to drink. Too much knee rehab. Yeah, that’s right, I’ve continued to exercise my knee for about four hours a day despite being “away” for the holidays. Then again, I’m always “away” these days.

Christmas in San Antonio has been nice. My wife’s entire extended family gathered to be in Grandfather’s presence. He’s 93, so no one takes his presence for granted. Spending time with my wife has been wonderful, although the dread of parting again soon is always looming. Assuming I continue to progress well with the rehab, I should be able to return to Mexico in February. I took my wife to the movies to see a romantic comedy — P.S. I Love You. She cried throughout, and the shoulder of my shirt was soaked with her tears. Wonderful. I admit, without a hint of shame, that I love watching romance movies with my wife. Left to my own devices, I go for dark and disturbing films, but there’s nothing quite like holding my wife’s hand while her heart is trembling.

Another thing I especially enjoyed about this week was the live music. My wife’s cousin Deblois is a professional musician, and she performed several of her songs as the family gathered around in the big living room. Endlessly, it seems, I struggle and grasp for ways to communicate what is transcendent and of utmost importance in my life. Then, someone sings a simple song, from the heart, and I say to myself, “That’s it, right there. How simple! How wonderful!”

Harris good, Wilber bad

Blogger ~C4Chaos continues the Integral-Atheism discussion:

“Excellent discussion guys. allow me to address both your points with a link to a debate between Sam Harris and Scott Atran (post-Beyond Belief 2006 conference).

i do like Sam Harris, but i think Scott Atran had the upper-hand in this exchange due to Atran’s field experience and his implied approach of meeting people where they’re at, in short, Atran’s arguments is more “integral” than Harris’s arguments, especially when it comes to the discussion of sacred values.”

My response:

I’ve written about this many times before, but it always amazes me when highly intelligent people disagree. What does it say about reason that we can support almost any claim? That’s a whole other discussion, I know.

I must have some bias for Sam Harris’s way of thinking, because I always seem to agree with him. He has a real knack for cutting to the quick:

“The point is not that all religious people are bad; it is not that all bad things are done in the name of religion; and it is not that scientists are never bad, or wrong, or self-deceived. The point is this: intellectual honesty is better (more enlightened, more useful, less dangerous, more in touch with reality, etc. ) than dogmatism. The degree to which science is committed to the former, and religion to the latter remains one of the most salient and appalling disparities to be found in human discourse.”

Ironically (as a supposed, pro-evidence guy), what I didn’t like about Atran’s essay is his continual referencing of social science studies. Whenever someone says “Studies show…”, I get very skeptical. Without the study in front of me, I have only the author’s interpretation to rely on, an interpretation which I may or may not agree with. I’ve always preferred common sense arguments to “Studies show” arguments. Working in the mental health field as long as I have, I’ve seen first hand how economic, political, and personal agendas can distort the process of scientific research. This too, is another discussion, although I’m surprised religious-minded folk don’t use this argument more when railing against a science-based society. Scientific conclusions are often not nearly as objective as people might think.

Wilber is a master at stretching the “Studies show” spiel to support a conclusion that he undoubtedly arrived at long before digging up the research. Look how much mileage he’s gotten out of Taylor’s TM study. I’d be more impressed with AQAL if Wilber came right out and said “I just came up with this shit, because it makes so much sense” — instead of trying to make it look like a model built from the ground up through careful examination of empirical evidence.

With that, I’m WAY off topic and revealing to myself (and probably to all of you) what MY not-so-hidden agenda in all this must be, namely to shoot down Ken Wilber and to prop up Sam Harris. WHY I’m compelled to do this, only semi-consciously, I’m not sure. I’ll have to sit with that a bit.

Integral Atheism

There’s an interesting discussion unfolding on Julian Walker’s Blog regarding the intersection of Integral Theory and the New Atheist movement. Here’s my latest bit, in response to Eric:

Eric said:

“I subscribe to the notion that if you really want to help people grow through levels of development, then finding ways to provide for the healthiest possible setting for each structure while improving life conditions and increasing opportunities for all people to explore and develop into higher structures will be more effective than simply arguing against the existence of a mythic-literal concept of God.”

My response:

I just don’t know what this means in terms of taking action, right now, today. HOW do you find ways to provide for the healthiest possible setting for each structure? HOW do you increase opportunities for all people to explore and develop into higher structures?

I think creating cognitive dissonance in people so that they might let go of distorted thought patterns IS working to provide a saner, healthier setting within which continued personal growth can flourish. I don’t see the issue here as helping people “develop” from a “Mythic” center of gravity to a “Rational” center of gravity [or "structure of consciousness"]. People’s already established capacity for reason needs to “develop” from pathological distortion to healthy clarity. The vast majority of religious people have highly developed powers of reason in all areas of their lives EXCEPT when it concerns their religious beliefs. Many of the 9/11 highjackers were highly educated. Yet they believed they’d get a date with seventy-two virgins by murdering thousands of innocent people. This insane belief needs to be acknowledged as insane, right now, today, along with countless other insane beliefs held in other religions, otherwise reasonable people will continue to act on these beliefs in necessarily ignorant and destructive ways. It is not necessary to “eliminate” everything about religion – ritual, community, contemplative practices, etc. – and Sam Harris is certainly not trying to do that. He’s just trying to expose dangerous and downright stupid ideas for what they are, so that we all can be free to move forward as a species without continuing to harm ourselves and others.

I’ve yet to hear a single practical solution to any specific problem from Ken Wilber or his followers. Everything under the sun in translated into AQAL terms, which seems elegant and satisfying until we recognize that nothing has changed. “Meditate” or “Try my ILP program” –that’s about all I can think of as the practical applications of AQAL thus far.

Rational dialogue has been and will continue to be a true agent of transformation for individuals and societies. The capacity for reason is already there, it just needs to get healthier, stronger and clearer. That’s what Sam Harris – and Ken Wilber for that matter – have done for me: Clarified my thinking. This clarity has, in turn, affected my actions in ways that have been fulfilling and transformative [and, I hope, helpful to others].

Radical Authenticity

So, I’m sitting here trying to revision the concept of “spirituality,” strip it of all religious baggage, and make it accessible to reasonable, critical thinkers for all time. Unfortunately, my knee is aching a bit, so I’ll have to knock this out in the next ten minutes or so. Well, shit, I may as well just Google it then, as I’m sure someone has already figured the whole thing out…

No way! Somebody DID figure it out. And that somebody was ME! Sort of. About seven or eight years ago my friend Steve asked me to write an essay for a book he was editing about the “Spirit of Generation X.” I tried my best to distill my twenty-something wisdom down to its essence, and what I came up with was the concept of “Radical Authenticity.” Basically, that’s my life project, in a nutshell. To be as fully myself as possible, to realize my potential as a human being, to wake the fuck up. So, I Googled the phrase “Radical Authenticity” and lo and behold I made three — count ‘em three — amazing discoveries. First, my essay has recently been re-published on some “Integral” website. “How embarrassing!” was my first thought, as my writing style was pathetically imitative back then (it still is to some degree). I even used the word “alas” at one point, which is straight up Ken Wilber at his most pompous. Second, some dude from the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology wrote an entire dissertation on the concept of “Radical Authenticity” and created Radical Authenticity.com. Now I’ll look like a poser for using the phrase, although it seems I coined it first. Lastly, that man-weasel cult leader Andrew Cohen has apparently become fond of using the phrase in recent years (again, post my essay), making it even more difficult for me to reclaim and re-tool the concept.

Okay, maybe “man-weasel” is a little harsh. And although Cohen does strike me as an ego-maniacal cult leader freak, I must admit I like the way he unpacks the concept of Radical Authenticity. Here’s what he says:
[From "The Challenge of Radical Authenticity"]:

There is a battle to be fought between the ego’s investment in image and falsehood and the authentic self’s passion for truth and transparency. Most of us do not have the courage to aspire for true integrity of self and soul. Even those who have deep and powerful experiences of higher states of consciousness, of profound emptiness and intoxicating joy, usually remain terrified of radical authenticity. But if evolution is to occur in a way that is stable and meaningful, radical authenticity is the most important part of the path. The power of your own potential transformation ultimately rests on how deeply authentic you are capable of being, at a soul level, as a human being. Radical authenticity is the ultimate threat to falsehood.

And that other dude really goes all-out in his definition [From RadicalAuthenticity.com]:

The word authenticity comes from two Greek words, “autos,” meaning self, and “entea,” meaning tool or instrument. The word radical comes from the Latin word “radix,” meaning root that goes to the source or center of something’s life (Webster’s New Twentieth Century Dictionary Unabridged, 1979.). Consequently, used together, the phrase connotes that a person is the very best tool or instrument one can be in the world to the extent that one’s actions and very mode of being flow from one’s center, or Source of being.

Additionally, for me there is another key implication in the phrase: Assuming that we all come from the one same Source—and that this is a benevolent and congruent Source—it follows that to the extent that one is radically authentic, i.e., whose actions flow from the very Source of who one is, then the result of those actions serve not only the individual but also all those impacted by those actions . . . at least in the long term, if not the short.

God bless Google. I can hit the sack now that my work is done here. I’ll keep thinking about this tomorrow. Maybe I need a new phrase. Integral Authenticity? Nah, too Wilberian. How about Head the gong? No… Too idiosyncratic (and too cool to pimp out for such purposes).

More on this later…

The “New Atheists” and Transpersonal Psychology

Over the past few months I’ve become acutely aware of my relationship to the various forms of media and technology clamoring for my attention. It used to irk me when my more “progressive” friends would seemingly brag about how they didn’t watch (or sometimes even own a) television. My (internal) response was usually “F-you, you f-ing f-hole.” After all, who doesn’t watch a little television every now and again, to wind down? Oh yeah, YOU don’t. I forgot. F- hole.

Of course, these same folks might spend hours on the internet watching YouTube videos, or reading novels or listening to music. Distraction is distraction, and it’s how one relates to various forms of media that determines whether or not it opens one up or shuts one down. I have to admit though, most of the time when I watch television I may as well be shooting crack into my eyeballs. There are exceptions of course, like the entire five seasons of Six Feet Under, but for the most part my relationship to the media is like that of junkie to dealer.

This week has been one of those exceptions, as I’ve enjoyed hours of video from the so-called “New Atheists” (Sam Harris, Daniel Dennett, Richard Dawkins, and Christopher Hitchens). I was also blown away by Ayaan Hirsi Ali, an ex-muslim refugee from Somalia, whose story is as compelling as her stunning beauty. I watched hours and hours of discourse on religion and atheism, all on Google-video or YouTube, and not one moment of it was characterized by the passive trance and drool dripping stupor of my typical viewing experience. On the contrary, I was left inspired and energized, and certainly inclined to think about my own position vis-à-vis matters of faith and reason.

While I’ve championed Sam Harris on this blog before, cheering from the sidelines you might say, I’ve avoided getting too deep into the issues at hand. I’ve enjoyed the various talks and debates vicariously, passively, unclear as to what the implications might be on my own life and process of inquiry. Ayaan Hirsi Ali’s point about the implied activism involved in rejecting dogmatism really hit home. Quite often I am dismayed when friends and relatives read a profound book, say they “enjoyed it,” yet seem utterly unaffected by it, uninspired to explore the implications of the new ideas and insights, how they might impact their day to day lives. I’ve been guilty of the same thing myself, many times, and my failure to really explore the implications of the “New Atheist” movement is a prime example.

I am with Sam Harris all the way in rejecting the label “atheist” altogether. In fact, much of the problem with having productive dialogues about such things lies in our sloppy use of language and lazy reliance on unclear terms. The question “Do you believe in God?”, when answered with a simple “yes” or “no”, leads to zero increase in mutual understanding. Like the word “atheist,” such a question is nothing more than a trap, in the form of a conceptual maze, within which true dialogue, true understanding, cannot exist. If I’m against anything it’s these closed thought loops, the displays of distorted and downright piss-poor thinking that characterize much of the discourse about religion and spirituality.

Ranting aside, here’s what I’m thinking at the moment: The only remedy for what ails us all is a radical shift in consciousness. Such shifts are normally understood as “spiritual experiences,” which have typically been explored within the contexts of various religions. Unfortunately, most religious thinking is riddled with dogma and the egregious misuse of reason, thus the spiritual gold is, for the most part, left unmined, too often replaced with either blissful ignorance or dangerously unconscious behavior. Even the word “spiritual” is a hindrance, so I’m going to throw it on the fire next to “atheism.” “Transpersonal” is a much better word, and there is no reason why experiences of self-transcendence cannot be studied and explored within a broadly scientific context, shorn of the superstition and bogus metaphysical deadweight of religion.

Transpersonal Psychology seemed to hold so much promise when it was envisioned by the likes of Abraham Maslow. Like many great ideas of the 1960’s, Transpersonal Psychology has — as far as I can tell — gotten too bogged down in sloppy New Age thinking to significantly impact mainstream academic inquiry. I wonder if it isn’t too late to resuscitate the field, freeing it from the New Age horse-shit so that it might provide a suitable refuge for the clear-minded exploration of our deepest experiences.

I will do some thinking about all this.

Out of the fog

So, I just set up wireless internet at my parents’ house. I thought I’d be more psyched about it, but now that I’ve been back in the States for several weeks, the novelty of internet and TV has all but worn off. In fact, it seems to be wearing me down in some ways.

Now, granted I had major surgery two weeks ago and I haven’t been overly concerned about succumbing to distraction. Sometimes it’s okay to settle for just getting through the day. But I’ve turned a corner these past few days. I can walk, sleep without discomfort, handle the routines of daily living without assistance or a massive energy drain. I’m back in action, baby. Which is to say, I really don’t have any excuses anymore. I can continue to indulge in distraction if I want to, but there’s nothing compelling me to do so except for the bad habits that I seem to have reacquired.

The TV has been a killer, lulling me into a trance that, until now, I haven’t had the energy to snap out of. I’ve said before how being in Mexico seemed to be a tonic, in terms of wakefulness and motivation. There are fewer distractions there, fewer (or less familiar) ways to check out mentally. I’m understanding more and more just how important it is to manage my attention in ways that keep me connected to present-moment sensations in the body. I’ve noticed how many daily experiences — from sleeping to singing to thinking, writing, crapping — have been noticeably diminished as I’ve allowed my attention to get caught up in various distractions and addictions.

It never ceases to amaze me how difficult it can be to stay focused and live life according to one’s deepest insights. Now that I’m back on my feet, I hope I can get some momentum going again. My leg may have gotten stronger these past two weeks, but my head is just now coming out of the fog.

Bad connection

I vaguely recall a scene in The Shining where someone is attempting to call for help on the radio and the connection gets cut. Even more cloudy are memories of movies — or dreams perhaps — where someone is desperately attempting to make radio contact to no avail, the connection being too weak or fading from barely audible to dead fuzz. Whatever the source of these memories, they produce a sense of fear and distress in me that I’m at loss to explain.

Last night I tried to call my wife in Mexico from here in New York. The connection was terrible, and I could just make out that she was having a hard time and missing me, etc. I tried to call her back seven or eight times, but each time the connection got worse. I could not understand anything she was saying, her voice fuzzy and cutting in and out something terrible. From what little I could make out, the phone situation was only serving to further my wife’s sense of upset. As for myself, I felt like jumping out a window. The sense of frustration and helplessness was almost unbearable.

I hate this whole “being apart from the woman I love” deal. But staring down at my swollen, bruised, sewn up knee, I know there’s nothing I can do about it right now. By all accounts, I seem to be doing well at the six day post-op mark. I was off pain meds by day three and I reached the one week rehab goals by day four. Yesterday and today have been tough, though. My pain increased so much (presumably from all the exercises I’m doing) that I needed to pop a pain pill last night at 4am in order to get some sleep. Presently I’m in a fair bit of pain and feeling sick and tired of being disabled. I just want to be next to my wife.

Being at home has been nice in some ways, but I’m totally out of the groove I was in while in Mexico. Reading, writing, meditation practice, Spanish lessons, guitar playing — these things are all on the back burner while I focus on rehab and getting through the painful periods of the day. One week from now I should be out of the woods and better able to focus on deeper pursuits, better able to establish that sense of presence and connection which has been driving the bus lately.

Shit. The pain is getting too much and I’ll have to sign off for the time being. The connection is getting fuzzy, breaking up, fading out…