Headthegong.com

Gotta love Vermont in the Fall.

My wife and I rendezvoused with her family at her Dad’s cabin in East Burke, a little town known for skiing and its world-class trail system for mountain-biking. We were only there for a couple of days, but it was an awesome time. I hit the bike trails for the first time and was ejected from my vehicle only a few times and without incident. Now I know what a black diamond means when posted on a trail sign.

I don’t think I’ve exerted myself so much since high school. I was beyond ready to throw in the towel several times, my legs bursting with lactic acid from hip to toe, but my 61 year-old father-in-law kept riding—and with a smile on his face—so I couldn’t let on I was so exhausted. Before the trip I jokingly asked him if he’d packed a defibrillator. It never occurred to me that I’d be the one needing it.

I can still taste that crisp, clean mountain air. Here are a few photos: East Burke, VT – October 2009.

My wife and I had a plan when we returned from Mexico last year. We’d move from Lexington, KY to Carrboro, NC. She would write her doctoral dissertation. I would get a job in the addictions field, finish the 200 (out of 6000) work hours I needed to become a licensed counselor, then get a solid job with good benefits to support us until my wife’s Ph.D. was completed.

I should’ve learned from the previous year in Mexico not to expect life to go according to plan. There, I had planned to play soccer every day and get into the best physical shape of my life. Instead, I blew out my knee two minutes into the first scrimmage, and spent much of the year trying to get back to walking without a limp.

So we moved from Lexington to Carrboro. Then my wife was offered a teaching job in Lexington, which was too good an opportunity to pass up. Then she won a dissertation-writing fellowship (another great opportunity) that required Kentucky residence. I’ve been going it alone here in Carrboro for most of the year. The job market has been slim pickins, and my best chance at a solid job in the addiction field was a post at the university counseling center. After a several-months-long courtship and multiple interviews, the position was cancelled due to lack of funds. So here I am a year later, still working as an office temp with no benefits.

A coworker snapped this photo of me on Thursday, to use as part of a staff meeting slideshow. This is how I’ve spent my days for the past twelve months — clicking a mouse and answering the phone.

Looking closely at the photo it strikes me — as it has again and again, through all the ups and downs — that I’m right where I need to be. Maybe it’s pure rationalization, or maybe I’m just making the most out of the situation. What else can anyone do?

I’ve enjoyed an almost stress-free work environment for the past year. This after years working in a psychiatric hospital, breaking up fist fights and dodging pieces of broken furniture being hurled at me. I’m even getting paid more — significantly more — for clicking that mouse than I have for any past mental health job. I’ve rejoined forces with my buddies from the old rock band and enjoyed performing again after a six year layoff. My knee is almost fully rehabilitated.

Life is good, although nothing has gone according to plan. Life isn’t always good. Sometimes it sucks. And sometimes it’s weird. And while through it all I’ve been feeling like I’m right where I need to be, I don’t believe in any of that fatalistic, law of attraction, “Secret” nonsense. I’m going to work my ass off to make the shit happen that I want to happen this coming year.

I suppose I’m just at peace with life for the time being. Simple as that. It’s nice, really nice, and I wouldn’t mind staying this way for a while. Sounds like a plan.