Comments on: Reflections on change

By: Bob

Bob — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 20:32:26 +0000

Thanks for the feedback, Tom. What you say makes a lot of sense. Once the knee-jerk reaction in me subsides, I usually do feel all the more compassion for these kids. And, quite often, if they stick around for a few more weeks after this kind of incident, they will express some sincere gratitude for our efforts.

By: Bob

Bob — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 20:25:30 +0000

Thanks Sean. I appreciate the thoughtful comment. Sometimes I have a hard time maintaining a clear perspective when I get wrapped up in these kids’ lives. Many of them have overdosed more than once, and I fear that if I don’t push them hard, they might not make it long enough for seeds to grow. In the end though, whatever the consequences of their choices, they have to live their own lives and I try to respect that. If I’ve helped to raise their awareness at all, I usually feel good about their treatment stay. Sometimes all I do for them is show care and concern, and regardless of what they decide to do about their drug use, this has to amount to something, if only a good feeling in me.

By: Tom Armstrong

Tom Armstrong — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 20:24:40 +0000

The one thing you know that they are wrong about [or are pretending isn't true] is that you are sincere. Begin with that. If they can rely on your sincerity, then their game or worldview unravels. Convince them that you are sincere.

You know a hundred times more about this than I do, but is not their ‘criminal attitude’ build on the supposition that everyone else is a ‘criminal’ at heart, too? and that THEY are in the ‘superior’ position since they are looking through the bullshit while you are not?

The compassion that you deployed was for them, not for you. They didn’t ‘take’ it last week; so you should feel no sense of loss, only evermore compassion for them. After the events of the day, you now know better how things stand; you can hope to figure out a more effective next approach toward helping them.

Good luck.

By: Sean

Sean — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 20:08:54 +0000

I’ve been where those kids are now, as you describe it. Absolutely nothing an adult said to me made a difference, or so I thought. I had no interest in listening and just wanted to get through the lecture so I could get back to doing whatever “I” wanted.

Some of them might never develop beyond that criminal mind-set. Based on my own experience, I would bet others are learning at some level and you are planting seeds. You can only know this by waiting. My own brother is finally going back to school at 28 after years of bad choices. He’s a good guy. He just needed time.

Thanks for doing what you do there – and happy birthday.