Pop!

Skimming through the journal entries for the month of February, I’m amazed at how quickly the various things I attend to in a given month fade from mind and memory. I listen to podcast after podcast throughout the week, but however interesting an episode might be, I just follow up the next day with more information, and then more. There’s just no attentional bandwidth left with which to consider something in depth. Case in point, I heard somewhere today, on some podcast, that it’s better to “get to the bottom of things” than to “stay on top of things.” The Tim Ferriss Show. That was it. I was barely able to recall even that detail, and that’s from a two-hour podcast I listened to just today, while I was running some errands. I just keep listening, keep scrolling, keep staying on top of things. But never any real depth is plumbed. And it’s all self-imposed. All done from a stance of willful ignorance. I’m giving up the ghost, which is the dreadful, shameful thing I swore I would never do. But I’m doing it. All the recent focus on aging, on disease, on decline. I’ve listened and scrolled and thought myself into a rut, a bad groove. Time to bounce out, to break free. But first, sleep.

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Up at 1:oo am. Did some mindful movement (my version of yoga) in bed and it felt great. Drifting back to sleep I was thinking about how regular writing and creative output might be just the tonic I need right now. I love the idea of regular public output, but I’ve never found the requisite motivation to stick with it. I know it shouldn’t matter – the public output vs. private journaling – but there’s something about the perceived accountability, however imagined, that can galvanize my creative eye to pop open. Seeing my life and the world through that eye is intrinsically awesome, and I need some awesome right now.

HTG Podcast #40: The power of expectations

In this episode of the Head The Gong Podcast, I recount and reflect upon the latest twists and turns of my “journey” since being diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukemia. Happiness = Reality – Expectations. That’s what they say, and I think they might be right, so learning to calibrate expectations and hold them as lightly as possible continues to be a challenge.

HTG Podcast #37: Sunday morning sidewalk

In this episode of the Head The Gong Podcast, I once again, for the second consecutive episode, phone it in, literally, by which I mean I recorded a series of random rants on my way to and from work, on my iPod Touch, which is kind of like a phone. Speaking of phones, it seems as if most of the human race has developed a bizarre, addictive relationship with them, surrendering to the algorithmic overlords our most precious resource – our attention.

Everything is free/Josephine

There are a number of great songs that first entered my ears as cover versions, and those cover versions were so damned good that they biased my ears to forever favor them over the original. When I go on to cover the song myself, as I often do with songs I love, I am then in the position of covering the cover. I’m pretty sure I’ve even covered a cover of a cover. It’s all to the good, as far as I’m concerned. I enjoying playing and singing songs that move me, and for me that experience admits no thoughts of authorship or credit. “Everything is free” by Gillian Welch was introduced to me my Madison Cunningham, who hits all her covers out of the park. When I went to search for the original, I was pleasantly surprised that I liked it every bit as much as the cover, maybe even a bit more.

Another thing I’ve discovered recently is that when I go a long stretch without using my recording equipment, I forget how to use it, and so it is that I continually find myself in a one step forward, two steps back situation with respect to my recording skills. Getting back on the recording horse, for me, almost always involves recording a live version of whatever cover song I’ve most recently learned. Can you guess what song I recorded this weekend?

There are so many, too many, ways to lay down a live acoustic recording using various configurations of the toys I happen to have in my home studio. Since I’ve forgotten which ways I like best, I chose a completely different configuration (different mic, interface, effects) on live cover song #2 of this weekend, “Josephine” by Chris Cornell.

Although both were hastily recorded one-take wonders transposed into keys more suitable to my relatively weak vocals, I kinda like ’em, and I’m reminded – for the gazillionth time – how much I enjoy noodling around in my studio. I’ll forgo any declarations about how I’m going to start doing this “on the reg,” as the kids say. Next summer is a long way off, and I’ve yet to summon the resolve to be consistently creatively productive in the throes of the work-a-day routine. Then again, who knows. I may yet surprise myself.

HTG Podcast #36: Incoherent commutation and inescapable assholery

In this episode of the Head The Gong Podcast, I rant and ramble incoherently on my morning commute to and from work. Eventually the chain of associations led to my admiration of Gillian Welch’s song Everything is free, so I hastily recorded a cover version.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everything is free, by Gillian Welch

Wings of Hope

Visited the dermatologist yesterday and he found three potential new basal cell carcinoma lesions. If confirmed by the biopsy results, that would make five in the last eleven months. I expected that the spot just over my right eyebrow was a problem, and I half-expected that the thing on my neck could be an issue, but I wasn’t expecting him to biopsy the supposedly innocuous “sebaceous hyperplasia” spot on the bridge of my nose. As usual, Happiness = Reality – Expectations, and so worries about disfiguring surgery scenarios took over my mind for several hours and took me on an unpleasant journey through a dark jungle of fruitless catastrophizing and ill-advised google searches.

Speaking of jungles, I stayed up watching the Werner Herzog documentary Wings of Hope, the story of how a 17-year-old girl, Juliane Koepcke, survived a two-mile fall through the sky after being ejected from an airplane, then survived a ten-day journey through the Peruvian jungle before being rescued by locals. A truly amazing story that I had never gotten wind of before. Incredible. If she could survive all that, I should be able to get through this skin cancer situation. I was told by the surgeon who carved up my forehead last summer that I should expect to see him and his scalpel again. I was hoping it wouldn’t be so soon, hoping his future scalpel exploits would at least spare my nose, as a wound there (if comparable to the two inflicted on my forehead) will no doubt define my appearance, for several months at least, to all who gaze upon me.

Hope is the province of the helpless, those of us who can do nothing about it, those of us in need of rescue or a lucky break. There is hope, then there is acceptance of whatever happens. In any event, we must keep heading downstream.

 

Juliane Koepcke: How I survived a plane crash

A 17 YEAR OLD GIRL SURVIVED A 2 MILE FALL WITHOUT A PARACHUTE, THEN TREKKED ALONE 10 DAYS THROUGH THE PERUVIAN RAINFOREST