So, I just set up wireless internet at my parents’ house. I thought I’d be more psyched about it, but now that I’ve been back in the States for several weeks, the novelty of internet and TV has all but worn off. In fact, it seems to be wearing me down in some ways.
Now, granted I had major surgery two weeks ago and I haven’t been overly concerned about succumbing to distraction. Sometimes it’s okay to settle for just getting through the day. But I’ve turned a corner these past few days. I can walk, sleep without discomfort, handle the routines of daily living without assistance or a massive energy drain. I’m back in action, baby. Which is to say, I really don’t have any excuses anymore. I can continue to indulge in distraction if I want to, but there’s nothing compelling me to do so except for the bad habits that I seem to have reacquired.
The TV has been a killer, lulling me into a trance that, until now, I haven’t had the energy to snap out of. I’ve said before how being in Mexico seemed to be a tonic, in terms of wakefulness and motivation. There are fewer distractions there, fewer (or less familiar) ways to check out mentally. I’m understanding more and more just how important it is to manage my attention in ways that keep me connected to present-moment sensations in the body. I’ve noticed how many daily experiences — from sleeping to singing to thinking, writing, crapping — have been noticeably diminished as I’ve allowed my attention to get caught up in various distractions and addictions.
It never ceases to amaze me how difficult it can be to stay focused and live life according to one’s deepest insights. Now that I’m back on my feet, I hope I can get some momentum going again. My leg may have gotten stronger these past two weeks, but my head is just now coming out of the fog.