Today was the day. For three and a half years I walked the halls of a psychiatric hospital, with a badge that said “Bob D.” and key that could get me out of there whenever I wanted. Most nights I left around 11:08pm, but I always returned, eventually. Today I had to ask someone to let me through the doors, because today I turned in my badge and key. Today I said goodbye to my co-workers, my friends, who are — without a doubt — the finest group of people I’ve ever worked with.
I’ve been ready for a while now. Ready for a change. Ready to leave that place behind. But it’s more than a place, really. I lost sight of that too often. Each one of us brought our lives, our whole selves to what we did, day in and day out, together. Babies were born. Loved ones died. There were crises, one after another it seemed, that had to be worked out. And we always seemed to work them out. We somehow managed to keep it all together. We laughed a lot, too.
When I got home this afternoon, I couldn’t keep myself together for long. I went into the bathroom, sat on the floor, and sobbed hard. Real hard.
Today I left at about 4:25pm, without a badge and without a key. But I have some gratitude, for Larry and Linda, Marc and Mike, Leslie and Geoff, for Teresa and Delania, Debbie and Gary, Michael and Ryan and Jennifer and Old Chief and Paul and Greg. And, of course, for the kids, the hundreds of them who sat with me on those ugly pink chairs, all of us staring at that big chunk of wood in the center of the room known as “the pick,” sharing our pain, our confusion, our bullshit and bad dreams, our experience, strength and hope.
I’m leaving a lot behind. A big chunk of my soul.
Keep it well, my friends.
Thank you.
Seems like some prretty cool shit goes on in your bathroom! Boshe, the only thought that comes to mind is a corny quote from a movie called the Replacements: “It was an honor to share the field of battle with you.” We both have the scars to prove it. Head the Gong!!!!!!!
Hi, Bob. It could be said that yesterday (I’m writing one day after you posted your entry) was the last day of the first part of your life. Surprisingly, I just found this blog by seeing your comment at Don Hanlon Johnson’s blog. You, me, Noreen, Steve, Karen and Marilyn spent some time together in Western Massachusetts four years ago – I’m glad to have encountered you again in passing, although this is another transition point for you and you are moving on (or will you even see this message?) Bon voyage, amigo.
David! Good to hear from you! I will be keeping up with the blog while I’m in Mexico, for sure. Hey — did you ever move forward with the Somatics training? It took me two years to recover from the financial set-back, and I did not return for part two or three of the training. But I’m still doing my own thing, and still reading Hanna (Right now, in fact, I’m reading “The End of Tyranny,” which I love so far.)
Hope all is well, and thanks for stopping by.
Hi Bob! David turned me on to this blog…leave it to David to find you! I’m glad to hear you are still doing Somatics, and I hope you are sharing it with everyone in your path who needs it. You were a natural, Bob. As you may have noticed, the field of somatics, in general, is coming to the forefront of healing right now. It’s still a challenge getting people to try it. But my personal experience is, I continue to be blown away by the releases I am getting as my sensory motor awareness continues to grow. I can’t help be curious as to what you are doing in Mexico, and did you ever marry? Enjoy your journey.