Photo

Reverb 10 Prompt (from Tracey Clark): Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

I’ve long been susceptible to feelings of intense nostalgia, and so have spent many an hour wistfully flipping through family photo albums. It’s not merely a longing for days gone by or the innocence of youth. The whole terrifying, blooming, buzzing mystery of existence can be evoked in a single facial expression. A gleam of the eye can hit me as powerfully as a sky full of stars. And I must confess, I’ve always been particular fascinated by pictures of myself. It wasn’t until this year, my fortieth on the planet Earth, that I noticed myself filling with dread as I examined the photos of me that periodically found their way to my computer screen via email and Facebook. Damn! Is my hair thinning that much?!?! Where did that neck-waddle come from? I LOOK OLD!!!

I used to be annoyed when my Mom or Dad would refuse to be a part of a snap-shot. Now I understand completely. The self-concept for many of us stops aging at about 28 years, while the body dutifully marches over the hump and on down the decline. I think I’m beginning to come to grips with this though. Although many people expressed genuine surprise that I was turning forty this year, my attachment to being perceived as younger than I really am has been getting less reinforcement for the past couple of years. This is a good thing, as this particular attachment has been holding me back and weighing me down in ways I’m only just beginning to understand. For now though, I will feed the beast once again as I select the 2010 finalists for “Photo of the Year” (You didn’t think I’d stick to just one, did you?):

(1) Matt, Bob, and Eric, a.k.a. the rock band Minor Stars. I didn’t appreciate these guys fully until I left the band in June. I especially miss the feeling of being part of something beyond the walls of my lonely little world.

(2) I just realized that the previous photo was taken in December of ’09. As long as I’m breaking the rules, here’s my very first school photo from 1975. Rebecca of the wonderful Zina Dreams reminded me of this one. I rediscovered it this year while rummaging through a box of keepsakes. Maybe it’s because I could feel my fortieth birthday looming, but for whatever reason I became fascinated with this photo, placing it on the fridge with the many photos of my nephews, and even using it as my Facebook profile pic for a while.

(3) When I finally did turn 40, I decided my profile pics should be updated to more accurately reflect my state of decrepitude, so I snapped this one of myself a couple of weeks ago. It’s probably just straight-up narcissism, but I have a long-standing tradition of taking a photo of myself immediately following the recording of a new song and then posting it on my blog along with the tune. I took this one right after recording my latest.

(4) And the winner is… Big Sky Country. My wife and I flew to Montana in August for her cousin’s wedding. I had never been on a horse before (That’s me in the red shirt). Dingo was his name, and it was truly wonderful to ride through the beautiful countryside with my wife and her lovely family. It was truly wonderful, that is, until the last half-hour or so, when the pain from bouncing around in the saddle started to approach the near-unbearable point. Aside from the awesomeness of the scenery, I especially like this photo because it was of a brand new experience that took me by surprise.