Quarter given, blessing received

This morning I was waiting at the bus stop when a man hollered at me from across the street: “Hey friend, do you have a quarter? I’m trying to get me something to eat.” I waved him over and gave him the handful of change I had in my backpack—somewhere between a buck or two. He seemed very appreciative (and a little drunk) and bid me adieu with “Have a blessed day.”

Of course, this same scenario plays out all the time, at least once a week for me on the streets of Carrboro and Chapel Hill. Some days I give, some days I don’t. I always CAN give, if I really want to, but I’m not sure what drives my decision on any given occasion. It has nothing to do with whether or not I think the person is really going to buy food, instead of say, drugs. Safety is a consideration, though, as I’m not going to reach into my backpack or stop to engage with someone if I get the slightest vibe of danger. I think it has mostly to do with connection—how connected I feel with the person asking, and how connected I am to my own sense of gratitude for my “blessed” life.

This morning I felt pretty blessed. My wife is home, after a long time away. I had a restful night’s sleep in my comfortable apartment. A nice, rich cup of coffee and a yummy breakfast. My life is good—a fact I can’t seem to shake since returning from a poverty-stricken area of Mexico last year. People adapt to whatever situation they find themselves in, and it’s possible to be happy and healthy even in circumstances that seem unbearable to someone else. In fact, many people have felt pity for ME in recent months, seeing that I’ve been living apart from my wife, struggling to find meaningful work, going it without any insurance, etc.

It’s all relative, I guess. The truth of the matter is this: I am more privileged—in terms of lifestyle, support and opportunity—than the VAST majority of human beings that are living and have ever lived. When I feel this in my bones it’s hard NOT to spare a quarter, and hard to complain about anything. Of course, I forget this all the time, but lately I’ve been deliberately reminding myself of such things. And I’ve been much more disciplined about engaging in activities (like meditation, somatics, playing music, writing) that leave me feeling more grounded, present, awake and alive. Maybe I’ll actually keep it going this time around. That would be a true blessing.