Three years ago my guts were twisted about whether to move to Kentucky with my girlfriend or stay in North Carolina with my bandmates in My Dear Ella. I left the band, joined my girlfriend (now my wife), and my life abruptly changed course, as it had numerous times before. I’ve stayed in touch with Eric (MDE mastermind and my closest friend) since my departure, and several times I’ve flirted with the idea of moving back to NC, at least for the nine to twelve months my wife will be doing her doctoral research in Mexico. Per the original game plan, my wife figured she’d be heading off to do her research in the fall of ’06, as in right now, but the vagaries of grad school have been such that things have been considerably delayed, so now we’re looking at next fall at the earliest.
So many twists and turns, and it turns out that Eric recently dissolved My Dear Ella and formed a new outfit, Death of the Sun [pictured above]. It also turns out that D.O.T.S. needs a bass player to complete their line-up so they can take the world by storm. Do I smell the intoxicating effluvium of destiny? Or is it just the same old clump of bull-poop I’ve been dragging around on my boot-heel for years?
I don’t know. Part of me would love to cast off the shackles of normalcy and step out on that thin limb again. Maybe this time things will be different. Maybe I’m ready for greatness. But then again, having been down this road before, I’m all too aware of the costs, the doubts, and the insidious pattern that compels me, every four years or so it seems, to jump whatever ship I’m on in favor of the S.S. Something Else.
What about the process itself? Playing with your bandmates, getting on stage, etc?
When you say “so they can take the world by storm. Do I smell the intoxicating effluvium of destiny?”
This seem to be measuring the success in an outward fashion. I suppose if you need to drop your current career, then that is accurate.
Not something you can do as a deeply rewarding hobby, playing in a band? (And then maybe, if outer success comes, it incredible icing on the cake?)
Hey ebuddha,
These days, playing music is something I do as a deeply rewarding hobby. I enjoyed playing in the band very much and, for me, it was all about the process–creating with friends; the joy of playing shows. But while I viewed outer success as icing on the cake, the other guys were increasingly willing to make MAJOR sacrifices–personally, financially, and geographically–to increase the likelihood of making it big. The guys in the new band are much the same. They are willing to quit their jobs, move to New York or L.A., and otherwise do whatever it takes to be rock-stars. I just like playing music, and while it would be nice to get paid to do what I like doing, the truth is that I’m not sure I would even want to be a rock-star. As Isaac Dust, I have total creative freedom, but it can get a bit lonely. When my wife and I settle down somewhere after she finishes graduate school, I will likely seek out some other people to play with, and who knows where it might lead. I’m just not willing to give up what I have right now for the possibility of something I might not even want.
Thanks for the thoughtful comment.
–Bob