Prompt: The wind
The winds are gusting upwards of 45 miles per hour outside. My back yard is full of fallen leaves, swirling around like mini-tornadoes. My back yard. One of the many big changes that blew in with 2011. Growing up we always rented, so I never had a backyard of my own. Many times this year I could be seen playing soccer or mowing or just wandering around, taking in the new scenery. New Mexico. Who woulda thunk it? It’s all good. That’s my theme song these days. Not that there isn’t much to be done. Not that the internal struggles that have characterized my first 40 years on earth have evaporated in the desert sun. No. I’m still me. It’s just that, well, … it’s all good.
I’m unemployed for the first time in a long while. We moved out here for my wife’s career, and while I’ve been hitting the pavement hard in search of honest work, even for half the pay I was getting at my last job, so far it’s no go. When people ask what I do I tell them I’m a childless househusband, and I suppose that’s true enough. I run the errands, do the chores, and hold down the fort in a hundred other ways. My wife brings home the bacon and I keep it sizzling. So far it’s working out just fine. Yet I’m wary of getting soft. I’m constantly trying to light a fire under my own backside, knowing too well that this may be the last time for a long while that I have this much time to devote to stoking this inner flame.
Yesterday I sang my throat raw, hitting notes I had hitherto sung only in fantasy. It was a bittersweet experience, as it occurred to me with the thud of a drop kick to the guts that I could have accomplished this vocal feat at any time over the past fifteen years, had I merely approached the situation with the appropriate level of belief in my own powers. Why did I wait until now? Why haven’t I set my mind to accomplishing the many other things that have been and are well within my reach? Laziness? Fear? If I knew precisely how to overcome my perennial obstacles, would I even act on this knowledge? I’m not sure.
2012 might look like the end of the world to some, but for me it feels like a beginning, a grand opening of heart and mind the likes of which I haven’t permitted myself since my early twenties.
Then again, I always say shit like that.
Seems the wind had died down a bit. Better grab a rake and get to work.
I don’t care if you always say shit like that. It’s like quitting smoking: One of these times, it sticks. I think there is an alchemy that takes place within us, that goes beyond telling ourselves that it’s time for a change. I don’t know what the magic ingredient is; maybe will. Will is a slippery beastie, though.
I hope you will write much more often this month. And let me know where you got your prompts! Or are you making your own?
Thanks Kim! I WILL write more often this month, although I’m not sure about every day (I’m hosting Christmas for 12 people in a house I haven’t completely moved into yet). I’m definitely coming up with my own prompts, as the spirit moves me… Happy Reverbing!
The thing is, Bob, it is a new beginning. This is such a huge and novel chapter for you and it’ll take a while to settle into. Be kind to yourself and let yourself off the hook a little. Promise me, OK?
Looking forward to your name popping up in my Reader so much more this month.
Promise!